Motherly Advice Pillows

'I fired my motivational trainer and started listening to my mother.'

'I should have listened to my Mum, she always said, 'Never underestimate how fast a zebra can run'.'

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

Biological Alarm Clock.

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

'Your mommy is here as you requested, sire, to check for monsters under your throne!'

'Don't come crying to me, son. I told you you'd turn into a lobster if you stayed out in the sun all day.'

"His room is always clean. Do you think we should take him to a psychologist?"

"I think formula should be bottled-up, but not your emotions."

'Well General? What is today's inspirational message from your mother?'

"Mother, you were right."

'Mother knows best, Dear, so stop rolling your eyes.'

'Try not to be an idiot.'

"Of course I still do stupid stuff. But now much slower and with far less frequency and zeal."

'Can I just remind everyone once again that baby yoga is non-competitive.'

Al, what advice would you give me as I begin my journey on the highway of adulthood? Pull over onto the shoulder and pretend you have engine trouble. With luck, a beautiful female mechanic will stop to help.

A Victorian park.

'I don't mind them, but I would like to see my daughter getting married to one of them!'

"I'm confused....you always say not to take candy from strangers, but tonight you tell me to go to strangers and ask for candy!"

'Always remember you're unique... just like everyone else!'

'Do you think he's starting to out grow the pram?'

I should have listened to my Mum: 'Never sit down during the hunting season...'

"...and, for what felt like the millionth time, she opened her phone for the diminishing dopamine hit that never satisfied."

'Enjoy your youth while you can son. Once you hit eighty it's all down hill!'

"All I know is there are no do-overs, but there are comb-overs."

'Son, if life deals you lemons, sue the produce growers.'

'Why spend $12 million on market research? I'll just ask my mom.'

". . . and if your kids have been driving you crazy today, just remember one day soon they won't even want to know you. . . and exhale. . . ahhhh."

"You shouldn't try for enlightenment if you are pregnant or may become pregnant."

"Am I a bad parent for giving him a weighted blanket?"

"I've said it until I'm blue in the face - keep sitting on walls and something bad's going to happen. But what do I know? I'm just your mother."

Never vote on an empty stomach.