Motherly Advice Pillows

'I fired my motivational trainer and started listening to my mother.'

'I should have listened to my Mum, she always said, 'Never underestimate how fast a zebra can run'.'

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

Biological Alarm Clock.

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

'Don't come crying to me, son. I told you you'd turn into a lobster if you stayed out in the sun all day.'

"I think formula should be bottled-up, but not your emotions."

"Mother, you were right."

"His room is always clean. Do you think we should take him to a psychologist?"

'Well General? What is today's inspirational message from your mother?'

'Mother knows best, Dear, so stop rolling your eyes.'

'Try not to be an idiot.'

'I don't mind them, but I would like to see my daughter getting married to one of them!'

A Victorian park.

"Of course I still do stupid stuff. But now much slower and with far less frequency and zeal."

'Can I just remind everyone once again that baby yoga is non-competitive.'

"I'm confused....you always say not to take candy from strangers, but tonight you tell me to go to strangers and ask for candy!"

'Always remember you're unique... just like everyone else!'

'Do you think he's starting to out grow the pram?'

I should have listened to my Mum: 'Never sit down during the hunting season...'

"...and, for what felt like the millionth time, she opened her phone for the diminishing dopamine hit that never satisfied."

'Enjoy your youth while you can son. Once you hit eighty it's all down hill!'

"I've said it until I'm blue in the face - keep sitting on walls and something bad's going to happen. But what do I know? I'm just your mother."

"Am I a bad parent for giving him a weighted blanket?"

"You shouldn't try for enlightenment if you are pregnant or may become pregnant."

'Son, if life deals you lemons, sue the produce growers.'

". . . and if your kids have been driving you crazy today, just remember one day soon they won't even want to know you. . . and exhale. . . ahhhh."

'Why spend $12 million on market research? I'll just ask my mom.'

Never vote on an empty stomach.

"All I know is there are no do-overs, but there are comb-overs."

We need the help of the smartest people we know. Time to call my Mom.

When the water became colder, little Jason remembered his mothers' words: 'Don't swim out too far!'