Motherly Advice Seeker Pillows

'I should have listened to my Mum, she always said, 'Never underestimate how fast a zebra can run'.'

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

COVID tips from Wild Animals

Recruitment Agency - Tips for getting that dream job.

"I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you, but this is a dry cleaner's."

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

Son, it's time you grew some legs and moved out.

A Bug's Life Advice

'Don't come crying to me, son. I told you you'd turn into a lobster if you stayed out in the sun all day.'

'Your mommy is here as you requested, sire, to check for monsters under your throne!'

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'My mom just explained babies to me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a bird and you're a bee.'

'Well General? What is today's inspirational message from your mother?'

Months ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Here is an actual reader letter: Dear Sadie, I think you should laugh, love, and go with the flow - and do that with gusto! Don't sweat the small stuff. Kiss all the girls. Boys or whichever you prefer, but remember to laugh. - Bob. Pervert! If we allow laughing, then we'll have to allow cackling. Maybe even guffawing. I refuse to go down

Miss Lonelyhearts Advice to the Lovelorn

"Mother, you were right."

"Go ask your mother."

'Mother knows best, Dear, so stop rolling your eyes.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"If it's important to you, Jessica. It's important to daddy, but I don't think it's important to you."

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

"And I suppose if your friends all jumped off a cliff you'd follow right along?"

'I fired my motivational trainer and started listening to my mother.'

"Don't make me come over there."

"Sorry, son. . . You're not getting the keys to the car until you show me you're mature enough to bring it back completely totaled."

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

Greed

'Son, it's time I told you about the bears and the bulls.'