Material Connoisseur Gifts

"I don't mean to be a snob, but I know what real leather sounds like."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

Instructional guide to scribbling

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

bird interprets modern art

"We evolved from asteroids"

Origami horse leaping out of a book about origami

'According to this, she began making wine in her laundry room 30 years ago, and now she's moved on to the garage.'

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

Crane fishing

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

"The door-to-door sales rep was very persuasive, but in my defense he only sold me one."

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

Man-made vs dog-made

About the potter.

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

A Highly Networked Staff

"No, we're looking for a roofer, not a woofer."

"I'm sick and tired of black."

Landscape Artists

Brighter days are ahead. I love it when I hear that in both news and weather segments of the program.

Coming Soon! Taco Sphere

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

"But you both can't be the 'father' of Ammonium Pentoxide Phosphate."

'It's a good building contract legally, but your jargon's weak.'

'The spheres keep rolling away, Your Majesty -- how about we just build a pyramid?'

Scientist drinking night sky through telescope

'Bit of an over reaction to a world-wide shortage of bismuth, don't you think?'

Somebody should really be filming this for YouTube.

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."