Martial Artistry Humorist Gifts

How NOT to solve the problem of 'floating elbow' in your taiji

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Cat in a tank...

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"The Eggsorcist"

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

'At ease, soldier.'

The opera - 'Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you ain;t a-goin' in again.'

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Royal Bear Force - "Honey at 10 o'clock."

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

Gustav Holst

"Did you call for a Medic?"

French Army knife

I'll admit I haven't been waiting all my life to meet you, but I have waited through a rough pencil sketch, the inking process and Photoshop lettering. Surely that's worth something! !?!

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

'...and this is the Mess.'

'Does my bum look big in this?'

Jackson Pollock - "Oh no! Someone's thrown paint all over it!"

'At last! Some decent kit.'

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

Medusa's baby picture

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

"It's not my fault - how was I to know you'd look scary with your clothes off?"

Martial Arts

Banting in the Yeomanry

"Have we looked as though we know what it is, for long enough yet?"

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

At a Country House

"It's obviously an original."

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

Nude conductor of Orchestra conducting 'The full Monte-verdi'