Martial Artist Humorist Gifts

'Ok - Attack me on Twitter.'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Cat in a tank...

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

"The Eggsorcist"

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

The opera - 'Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you ain;t a-goin' in again.'

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

Royal Bear Force - "Honey at 10 o'clock."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

Gustav Holst

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

'...and this is the Mess.'

'Does my bum look big in this?'

"Did you call for a Medic?"

I'll admit I haven't been waiting all my life to meet you, but I have waited through a rough pencil sketch, the inking process and Photoshop lettering. Surely that's worth something! !?!

French Army knife

'I can't believe this.. biggest fight of my life, and I forget to pack a wallop.'

Jackson Pollock - "Oh no! Someone's thrown paint all over it!"

'At last! Some decent kit.'

At a Country House

"It's obviously an original."

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

Martial Arts

Banting in the Yeomanry

Medusa's baby picture

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

"Have we looked as though we know what it is, for long enough yet?"

"It's not my fault - how was I to know you'd look scary with your clothes off?"

Nude conductor of Orchestra conducting 'The full Monte-verdi'