Marriage-minded Gifts

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Only a few more questions to determine our suitability to marry...'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

'We're looking for a minister who recognizes that relationships have a built in obsolesces.'

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

So all is not rosy in the garden?

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

How's your marriage working out? I'm considering the foreign legion...but I doubt whether they'll take her.

"Now that that's over, let me tell you what I'm really like"

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

Gender Symbols

Cards: Wedding / You've Changed / You don't Understand Me / I'm Leaving! / I'm going for a pint!

'We haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately.'

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

"I married for contrast."

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am a 24-year-old man. The woman I am about to marry is having second thoughts because she believes that we are too young. What do you think? - Jacob. Actual reader letter. Great question. When is the right time to marry? Randy, our commitment expert, would you like to handle this one? Jacob, really, what were you expecting?! Medic! Randy's not moving.

"Look—let's just get past today, O.K.?"

"That's Stuart and Vivian Muntner. They're a one-marriage family."

"Well, Pook, here's to one old marriage that just won't go away."

"Why, it's a little piece of red yarn! Oh Harold, you always know JUST what to get me."

"I agreed to 'for better' and 'for worse,' but never to 'for mysterious' and 'withholding'."