Modern Marriage Enthusiast Gifts

"Click here if you accept his terms and conditions."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

Online Dating

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

"Do you...enter name...take...enter name...to be your...choose one from the pull down menu...click the I do icon now please."

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

So all is not rosy in the garden?

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

"Steve and I live together, but we're getting indicted separately."

Gender Symbols

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

"I married for contrast."

'We haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately.'

Effective Catcalls

"I'd like you to meet my Husband 2.0!"

"I went ahead and got married without knowing the possible side effects."

"Why, it's a little piece of red yarn! Oh Harold, you always know JUST what to get me."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"I agreed to 'for better' and 'for worse,' but never to 'for mysterious' and 'withholding'."

'I usually don't do online dating.'

'And do you, Rob, promise to love and cherish Simone, even if she earns more than you do?'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"