Marriage Merriment Gifts

'NOW do you remember what Anniversary today is?'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

His and Hers Wedding

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"Let's take in a trial."

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"No heroic measures."

'I told you he had a temper.'

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'