Marital Merriment Gifts

"We'd get divorced but we can't afford to."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

"Let's take in a trial."

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"No heroic measures."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

'He's probably charming the pants off your receptionist'

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'