Marriage Merriment Pillows

'NOW do you remember what Anniversary today is?'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

His and Hers Wedding

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Let's take in a trial."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"No heroic measures."

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'I told you he had a temper.'

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"I now pronounce you a joint return."