Marital Mirth Pillows

"Hey, honey! I thought of something else you can put on your restraining order."

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"Garden variety allergies."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"No heroic measures."

'Hold it RIGHT there, buster! Nobody leaves the floor before signing out first!'

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

'I wish to lose all excess weight.'

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"Where has the magic gone, George?"

"Actually, that doesn't constitute a crime; but I do hope your wife returns your hopes and dreams."

'He's probably charming the pants off your receptionist'

"I don't like this hot dish."

"His last words were 'Yodel-ay-he-hoo.'"

"'Till death do you part?"

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, My husband hates to exercise since it makes him sweat. How do I tell him to shape up? Thanks, SV. *Actual reader question. Haven't you read the scientific research, lady? Exercise is one of the worst things you can do for you body. It leads to pain, sweating, muscle ache, weight loss. On the other hand, research also shows the great health value of yelling at your husband and telling him he's a lazy wretch! The science is divided on the question. One of the great joys of b

"By my count, that is the 27th last cast."

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

"I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out this way."