Marital Mirth Maker Pillows

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

You need a sense of humor to work here, but you're overqualified.

Doctor who is a clown holding a syringe.

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

"The doctor will give you your shot. I'm just going to referee."

"By my count, that is the 27th last cast."

"Actually, that doesn't constitute a crime; but I do hope your wife returns your hopes and dreams."

'I think out quarterly report should call it a 'negative upward trend'.'

"Yes, my automatic starter has the technology to start your car as well. I'll show you. Honey! Go start her car!"

'Admit it, Mabel - you've been keeping these non-iron shirts a secret in order to save our marriage, haven't you?'

"I told you, no "funny business," Anderson."

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"

'This is one thing you can't blame on me.'

Wedding Special: Buy one get your next one free

Marriage Heaven

'OK, OK, you got me. YOu just couldn't let it go, could you.'

'Chapter one. Don't waste your money. Don't buy useless crap like this stupid book'.

'I'll take that as a 'yes.''

"I now pronounce you man and wife... Would you be interested in purchasing a maintenance agreement?"

"So are the results not very good?"

"Thanks but, 'you'll do' isn't a ringing endorsement of officiating your wedding."