Marital Mirth Maker Pillows

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

You need a sense of humor to work here, but you're overqualified.

Doctor who is a clown holding a syringe.

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

"The doctor will give you your shot. I'm just going to referee."

'I think out quarterly report should call it a 'negative upward trend'.'

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

"By my count, that is the 27th last cast."

"Yes, my automatic starter has the technology to start your car as well. I'll show you. Honey! Go start her car!"

'This is one thing you can't blame on me.'

Wedding Special: Buy one get your next one free

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"

"I told you, no "funny business," Anderson."

'Admit it, Mabel - you've been keeping these non-iron shirts a secret in order to save our marriage, haven't you?'

Marriage Heaven

"I now pronounce you man and wife... Would you be interested in purchasing a maintenance agreement?"

'Chapter one. Don't waste your money. Don't buy useless crap like this stupid book'.

'OK, OK, you got me. YOu just couldn't let it go, could you.'

'I'll take that as a 'yes.''

"So are the results not very good?"

Santa Claus Christmas Texting

"Thanks but, 'you'll do' isn't a ringing endorsement of officiating your wedding."