Marital Merrymaker Pillows

"And a little something for the wife."

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

Santa Claus Christmas Texting

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

Tigers brass band, "Tiger rag-that's what it's all about."

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

"'Fried Ham' on 3..."

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

"There's no need to be em'bear'rassed about what you like!"

Violin family at Christmas

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

'I'd like to tell you all about it, dear, but what happens in Joe's Bar STAYS in Joe's Bar.'

"I think someone put Bob on vibrate."

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

Little Piano

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

'Ringing in your ears, you say?'

Closed for the Foreseeable Future

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

'Give me a Y... give me an E... give me an S...

Angelicus alcholicus.

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

Piano Bar

"How many times have I told you? Stop playing on the stairs!"

"...but before we begin our slide presentation on accounts receivable...this is how I make a bunny!"

"I realize your prescription bottle says 'Keep Tightly Closed', but you still need to take the medication!"

'We usually don't make toasts in board meetings.'

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

"Let me clarify that this is your employee performance evaluation, Thompson. It is not a roast in your honor."