Marital Merrymaker Gifts

"And a little something for the wife."

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

Santa Claus Christmas Texting

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

Tigers brass band, "Tiger rag-that's what it's all about."

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

"'Fried Ham' on 3..."

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

Violin family at Christmas

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

"There's no need to be em'bear'rassed about what you like!"

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'I'd like to tell you all about it, dear, but what happens in Joe's Bar STAYS in Joe's Bar.'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"I think someone put Bob on vibrate."

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

Little Piano

'Ringing in your ears, you say?'

Closed for the Foreseeable Future

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

'Give me a Y... give me an E... give me an S...

Angelicus alcholicus.

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

Piano Bar

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"How many times have I told you? Stop playing on the stairs!"

The dark secret about where the Easter Bunny gets the candy...

"...but before we begin our slide presentation on accounts receivable...this is how I make a bunny!"

"I realize your prescription bottle says 'Keep Tightly Closed', but you still need to take the medication!"

How's your midlife crisis going, Al? That turned out to be a false alarm, doctor. Today after a heavy lunch I realized it's just a midriff crisis.