Marriage Merrymakers Gifts

'I'll take that as a 'yes.''

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

"'Fried Ham' on 3..."

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

Violin family at Christmas

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

Counseling $10. This end up. I think we're making progress. I want to kill you both.

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

Pucker up!

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

'Wow, now I see why you're so jolly all the time.'

'It's nice to see that some marriages really are made in heaven.'

How's your midlife crisis going, Al? That turned out to be a false alarm, doctor. Today after a heavy lunch I realized it's just a midriff crisis.

"Actually, that doesn't constitute a crime; but I do hope your wife returns your hopes and dreams."

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

Lady vicar offering new bride a husband owner's manual.

"I've just finished crafting a non-violent solution to our problems."

'No, you can't speak to my husband. He's sitting on the naughty step.'

"Tim, I'm having a problem with your marriage proposal."

'Does it have plenty of closet space? My husband sulks a lot.'

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