Marital Merrymakers Gifts

"You, on the other hand, she'll welcome with open arms!"

"Now are you happy?"

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

"'Fried Ham' on 3..."

Violin family at Christmas

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

Pucker up!

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

'Wow, now I see why you're so jolly all the time.'

A Family Group - Baby Stirring the Pudding

"Actually, that doesn't constitute a crime; but I do hope your wife returns your hopes and dreams."

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

'It's nice to see that some marriages really are made in heaven.'

How's your midlife crisis going, Al? That turned out to be a false alarm, doctor. Today after a heavy lunch I realized it's just a midriff crisis.

Wedding Special: Buy one get your next one free

"When we got married, you said we'd be in the lap of luxury...but here we are, in the butt of bankruptcy!"

"Tim, I'm having a problem with your marriage proposal."

'This is one thing you can't blame on me.'

'No, you can't speak to my husband. He's sitting on the naughty step.'

Marriage Heaven

'Look, can't you take it in turns to do the daily Sudoku?'

"It's a parking ticket, madam. The prosecution doesn't need you to testify against your husband."

'I'll take that as a 'yes.''