Marriage Merrymaker Gifts

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

Marriage Heaven

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

Wedding Special: Buy one get your next one free

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Can't you forget about your job... just for one day?'

"And do we have any honeymooners in this evening?"

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

"Thanks but, 'you'll do' isn't a ringing endorsement of officiating your wedding."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

Tigers brass band, "Tiger rag-that's what it's all about."

May your Christmas be full of harmony

"'Fried Ham' on 3..."

"There's no need to be em'bear'rassed about what you like!"

Violin family at Christmas

'I'd like to tell you all about it, dear, but what happens in Joe's Bar STAYS in Joe's Bar.'

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

"I think someone put Bob on vibrate."

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

'Ringing in your ears, you say?'

Closed for the Foreseeable Future

Angelicus alcholicus.

'Give me a Y... give me an E... give me an S...

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"How many times have I told you? Stop playing on the stairs!"

Piano Bar

"...but before we begin our slide presentation on accounts receivable...this is how I make a bunny!"

"Let me clarify that this is your employee performance evaluation, Thompson. It is not a roast in your honor."