Marital Merriment Appreciator Pillows

'This is one thing you can't blame on me.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

No, they're not divorced --- She said that's her "ox-husband."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

"We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone."

"No heroic measures."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

'Dear Henry, and dear Liza, for the sake of the relationship, just buy a new bucket!'

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

Hypnotizing Women

"'Till death do you part?"

"Look, I've already told you. There's not enough room in the saucer to abduct your wife."

"Let's go for the four-slot toaster."

'What I hate most is coming home and having all those damn Harleys parked in my driveway!'

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

'So it's agreed- the first person to lower their hand is fired.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"