Marital Merriment Appreciator Pillows

'This is one thing you can't blame on me.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"No heroic measures."

"We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'Dear Henry, and dear Liza, for the sake of the relationship, just buy a new bucket!'

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

Hypnotizing Women

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"'Till death do you part?"

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

"Let's go for the four-slot toaster."

'Wait...if you leave me, can I come too?'

'So it's agreed- the first person to lower their hand is fired.'