Marriage Challenger Gifts

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! I met a lady a while back. We're both stuck in marriages we don't want to be in. We'd rather be together but we don't have the courage to end things. What do you mean "courage"? Ending things isn't "courageous," it's cowardly. Courage means not running from misery, but embracing it, becoming its master, and delivering it upon all those around you with vengeance.

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"Greta, look! The first dysfunctional family of winter!"

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

'You'll never be the next Micheal Phelps if you don't start working on your breaststroke.'

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

'Confusionism'

"And do you, Courtney, take this man....Courtney!"

"My wife is constantly invading my personal space. I think she gets it from her family."

"What do you mean asking you to marry me via text wasn't romantic? Did you see the emoji with hearts for eyes I attached?"

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

Couple on a Tandem Cycling in Different Directions

"It would keep me awake all night, but I'm up for a game of coffee pong first thing in the morning."

Clive would be lost without his morning heart starter.

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

'Your wife's on line three. And she's asked for the speaker phone to be put on full volume.'

"I said to him eventually, I said marriage is something you're just going to have to do on your own."

In the Days Before Coffee

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

'I have an even better idea, Steve -- let's get married without living together!'

"My wife has been walking five miles a day. I think she's somewhere in the middle of Pennsylvania now."

'Online dating is rubbish. I've written to 20 women and not ONE has replied.' 'At least you're being spurned in the comfort of your own home.'

"What God has joined together let no man put asunder."

"I resent it when people come into complain about their spouses, especially when one is my husband."

"One of you will have to remain behind."

'Yeah, I'm an atheist - and a damn good one.'

'The end is near.'

"Honey, am I getting the cauliflower crust pizza, or the pizza crust cauliflower?"

'If we bundle the money that goes to your first wife's alimony, plus the deposits you keep making into the new wife's bank account....it's easy to see where your money goes!'

'If you hate your wife, why do you buy her flowers?'

'To show I'm serious about giving up smoking for new year, I'm going to sign this pledge.'

"My mother sends you her remorse."