Modern Life Challenger Gifts

"When life gets too hectic, I just like to stop, smell the roses, and write checks."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"I want to make it before I hit thirty."

"You are still here."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

'You'll never be the next Micheal Phelps if you don't start working on your breaststroke.'

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

Early Man Late Man

AI

Daily Routine

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

'I can remember when paranoia was unusual.'

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"I don't think there's anything wrong with your fitness watch: It's just that you haven't moved enough to trigger it..."

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

Blues for now.

Our Troubled Chowders

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

Man calling Phone Privacy Centre

"I'm pretty sure there's a Starbucks on the other side of that big rock."

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'

Clive would be lost without his morning heart starter.

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"It would keep me awake all night, but I'm up for a game of coffee pong first thing in the morning."