Marital Strife Survivor Gifts

'I wish you wouldn't bite your nails.'

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"...until death do you a favor."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

"Oh no! You, again?"

Ereptile Dysfunction

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

"...ummm, remember that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped?"

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

"Can't you just say 'bippity boppity boo' and make all these messy divorce negotiations turn into pumpkins or something?"

Your Dinner Is In The Trout Stream

'These anti-depressants aren't for swallowing, sir, they're for throwing at your ex-wife.'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"Every time there was a rift in our relationship, we got a cat."

"Sorry. No refunds."

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

"If you ask me, we're better off without her."

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

"Now take my life-partner...please...take my life-partner!!"

"Recently separated."

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

'I'm sorry Sandy, but it'll never work out. We're just Poles apart.'

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."