Marital Strife Survivor Gifts

'I wish you wouldn't bite your nails.'

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"...until death do you a favor."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

Ereptile Dysfunction

"Oh no! You, again?"

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

Your Dinner Is In The Trout Stream

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

"...ummm, remember that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped?"

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

"Can't you just say 'bippity boppity boo' and make all these messy divorce negotiations turn into pumpkins or something?"

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

'These anti-depressants aren't for swallowing, sir, they're for throwing at your ex-wife.'

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

"Recently separated."

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

"Now take my life-partner...please...take my life-partner!!"

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

"Sorry. No refunds."

"Every time there was a rift in our relationship, we got a cat."

"If you ask me, we're better off without her."

Days of Christmas.

'I'm sorry Sandy, but it'll never work out. We're just Poles apart.'

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"