Marital Investors Gifts

"We invested everything we had in our marriage."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

'This graph may need some explaining...'

"At the end of the day Simon, money talks!"

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

'We're quite confident this lull won't last long.'

'Of course, in the long term we're all extinct.'

Businessman with two boxes: 'Nothing Ventured' and 'Nothing Gained'.

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

'They've dealyed our IPO so long that we've gone from intending to open a chain of pre-schools to opening a chain of nursing homes.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

"It's not what you think."

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

Business plan.

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

'The plan was idiot-proof. Unfortunately, someone came up with a superior idiot.'

Shareholder's Meetings

"This is what we recommend for motion sickness, due to the stockmarket's rollercoaster ride."

"What they lose on the swings we gain on the roundabouts."

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

'It's nothing serious. My wife and I just had a little tiff.' (Marriage counselor covered in bruises, cuts and bandages).

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

'He always leads with his chin! Is that my fault?'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"