Marital Investors Pillows

"We invested everything we had in our marriage."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

'This graph may need some explaining...'

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"At the end of the day Simon, money talks!"

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

'We're quite confident this lull won't last long.'

'How wonderful - the both of us in futures.'

'Of course, in the long term we're all extinct.'

Businessman with two boxes: 'Nothing Ventured' and 'Nothing Gained'.

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

'They've dealyed our IPO so long that we've gone from intending to open a chain of pre-schools to opening a chain of nursing homes.'

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"It's not what you think."

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

'The plan was idiot-proof. Unfortunately, someone came up with a superior idiot.'

"Sorry guys, but your 'magic mind-reader' doesn't seem to be working."

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

Business plan.

Shareholder's Meetings

"This is what we recommend for motion sickness, due to the stockmarket's rollercoaster ride."

"What they lose on the swings we gain on the roundabouts."

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

'It's nothing serious. My wife and I just had a little tiff.' (Marriage counselor covered in bruises, cuts and bandages).

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"