Marital Analyst Pillows

'I took an early retirement - she took an early divorce.'

"I'll say this for Richard - he's anatomically correct."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Frigid - who's frigid? - just ask Alistair and Simon and Brett and that chap who came to fix the blinds.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

"It's not what you think."

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

The Giant Guardsman Chapters IX and x.

"Honey, I'm home."

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

'It's nothing serious. My wife and I just had a little tiff.' (Marriage counselor covered in bruises, cuts and bandages).

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

"We started to communicate and found out we had nothing in common!"

'He always leads with his chin! Is that my fault?'

'Oh dear. My husband looks suspicious.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

'Maybe your wife doesn't understand you, because you don't make any sense!'

'It's your wife!'

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

'Marry me, Linda. Two can live more cheaply than one.'

"How can we have an intelligent conversation if you keep interrupting me?!"

"Why do you always side with him?!"

Young Accountants in Love: 'I didn't reach the same conclusion, Phil. In fact, my preliminary figures indicate we just can't go on meeting like this!'