Marital Mentor Pillows

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

"I'm here for the hair."

'You've changed since we got married.'

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"Now look, Frank, Molly, there's nothing wrong with a Polar Bear and a Penguin being in a relationship. In fact, in my experience, Polar opposites attract!"

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

"I thought we swore never to go to bed angry."

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

"It's not what you think."

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

"Look, I'm not denying the validity of your grievances. I just think they'd be better addressed at home, Helen."

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

'Objection over-ruled!'

"The good news is, my son is a potential winner, bad news, I'm still buying his lottery tickets."

'You deserve one another, but I don't deserve you!'

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

Scenes from a successful marriage.