Marriage Manager Pillows

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"I had to skip my workout."

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

'You've changed since we got married.'

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"I thought we swore never to go to bed angry."

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

'Darling, how romantic...a pre-nup.'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

"You never seem to hear a word I say to you!"

Richard and Wendy Kozier, of Saddle River, New Jersey, with U.N. Peacekeeping Contingent

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."

It's obvious anniversaries are the lynchpin of the big oil conspiracy. What? Husbands forget them. Which leads to wives pummeling them. Which leads to men making sure they don't forget again. All you had to do was mark it in your calendar! What do you think pens are made of? Pummeling will now commence.

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

'-but I keep telling you-these things take time...'

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

I'd like to request a transfer to a household offering a higher allowance and fewer choices.

"Look, I'm not denying the validity of your grievances. I just think they'd be better addressed at home, Helen."

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

'All the money we saved buying bulk food on sale we blew on this huge freezer!'

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."