Relationship Investor Gifts

'We invested everything we had in our marriage.'

"Oh, our mortgage is okay -- We'd like to refinance our marriage."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"You do like octopus?"

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Wall St. or True Love.

Will work for ETFs

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

Try Mediation

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Window Treatment

"Invest in technology."