Marital Drama Gifts

'Don't blame the King, Ma'am. This was all his divorce lawyer's idea.'

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"Mort, I'm writing a case study about two diametrically opposed archetypes of your generation. Archetype number one: a bold, debonaire male... The type that suffered no fools, lived life to the fullest, and pursued romance with tough, smart 'dames' who kept him on his toes. And then there's archetype number two: weak, insecure, afraid of life, and dominated by overbearing romantic partners who brought him to his knees. Ok. I'll participate. Who'd you find for archetype #2? You might want to

Diplomacy

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

"It's not jsut that he walks upright and uses complex tools. He also makes me laugh."