Marital Drama Mugs

'Don't blame the King, Ma'am. This was all his divorce lawyer's idea.'

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

Diplomacy

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

"Mort, I'm writing a case study about two diametrically opposed archetypes of your generation. Archetype number one: a bold, debonaire male... The type that suffered no fools, lived life to the fullest, and pursued romance with tough, smart 'dames' who kept him on his toes. And then there's archetype number two: weak, insecure, afraid of life, and dominated by overbearing romantic partners who brought him to his knees. Ok. I'll participate. Who'd you find for archetype #2? You might want to

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"

'She says she's never had an affair with David Beckham and she expects me to believe that!'

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'