Manual Collector T-Shirts

In case of emergency...break glass: Crisis Manual.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Jazz is Invented

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

Six jazz instruments.

'ANOTHER Shakespeare play?!! Look, all we wanted was the user manual for a sandwich maker.'

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

Al's Farm Equipment: Our Prices Can't Be Beat!

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

'God's speed.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

Tiny jazz musicians play large drum and bass.

Viola, cello, 1st violin and 2nd violin vending machine.

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'Mom, dad's toasting the new year with the car again!'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"It says it can be assembled by a 5 year old child - pop out and find me one..."

'But, honey, the girl in the bikini only adds to the awesomeness of my car.'

"The harmonica! Boy you're lucky, my cowboy plays the double-bass! I tell you what, it's a pretty awkward thing to carry around..."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."