Machine Collector T-Shirts

Automatic conscience clearer

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'It seats two comfortably.'

'ANOTHER Shakespeare play?!! Look, all we wanted was the user manual for a sandwich maker.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

Al's Farm Equipment: Our Prices Can't Be Beat!

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'God's speed.'

Used wheels

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"So, Bob... anything you'd like to tell me about your little trip to the hunting store on Boxing Day?"

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

'Now you know where you left your tools.'

'Gentlemen, invent your engines.'

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

'Mom, dad's toasting the new year with the car again!'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

'But, honey, the girl in the bikini only adds to the awesomeness of my car.'

Hague Convention Defied! Failure of the new Tommy-Scalder.

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Doric, Ionic, Corinthian, and Broken Pillars.