Collector T-Shirts

Antiques Roadshow - "Of course the value would have been considerably higher if you had the pear."

"Do I have a cough, a harumph, a wink, a tic? Sold then to the smirk for a million-five."

Priceless antiques priced to sell!

'How old is this vase?'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

'Absolute rubbish, worth nothing. You greedy old devil!'

Reality of the Antique Roadshow: 'I bought it at a garage sale for $10.' 'Ha! You really got ripped off!'

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers

Pawnshop: Genuine Fake Watches.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"This is very rare. It's signed 'Made in Amercia'."

Butterfly entering butterfly collectors bar - "...stay calm, act natural, just try to blend in."

'And next up on the auction block is a rare bug that was smashed by Jumi Hendrix.'

Auction parking: Winners/Losers

The Flying Dutchman

Randy shows off his celebrity navel lint collection.

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"Genuine shabby chic - popularly described in the 20th century as: 'knackered old tat!'"

'It only cost $119 million - what's all the screaming about?'

"Who will open the bid at $500?"

Antiques: I'm not just another crock!

"Going once going twice. . . and it's yours for a song!"

'Old comic books from Daddy's collekshin.'

Antiques Store with a bin outside with a sign saying 'Not for Sale'.

"Tell the creche they can call off the search...."

"I always get these things and I don't know why. I'm not a collector!"

Reaching For Dentures

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"There must be a mistake! They must mean 34 dollars!"

'Don't touch those, you big handed pervert.'

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

"What books? I haven't seen any books."

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.