Auto Collector T-Shirts

"I hear you bought a new classic car."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

Man has a picture of a rolls on his garage door...the car inside is very different.

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"As you can hear, it has an engine that purrs ... '

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

'It seats two comfortably.'

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

'God's speed.'

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

"This car is a retro classic. Instead of a USB outlet there's a cigarette lighter."

"Because you're a mechanic, we're going to do your hydrotherapy in a car pool."

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

"An object of love that you can get inside, totally inside."

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

'Mom, dad's toasting the new year with the car again!'

Big yellow sports utility vehicle.

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

'But, honey, the girl in the bikini only adds to the awesomeness of my car.'

Top model

"...and it comes with sat-nav, which as you can see the previous owner used all the time."

"There it is...the car of my dreams! It's the perfect match! The seat...the steering wheel...they just call my name! I'm not leaving here without it!"

"It's a sports car. It's supposed to be uncomfortable."

Acme Flyswatters.

'It was owned by a little old lady. Legally, that's all I can say. She still owns the intellectual property rights to her story.'

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

"This baby can take you from zero to cardiac arrest in 60 seconds!"

'Now can we start a family Nigel?'

'Built in obsolescence: Mini with a wind up gramophone.'

Millipede motorist

"Do you have anything smaller?"

"We argue a lot about money--her library fines, my antique car collection..."