Car Collection T-Shirts

"This baby can take you from zero to cardiac arrest in 60 seconds!"

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

'I know you're thinking can I afford this.'

"There it is...the car of my dreams! It's the perfect match! The seat...the steering wheel...they just call my name! I'm not leaving here without it!"

"I hear you bought a new classic car."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

Man has a picture of a rolls on his garage door...the car inside is very different.

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"As you can hear, it has an engine that purrs ... '

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

'It seats two comfortably.'

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

'God's speed.'

"This car is a retro classic. Instead of a USB outlet there's a cigarette lighter."

"Because you're a mechanic, we're going to do your hydrotherapy in a car pool."

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

"An object of love that you can get inside, totally inside."

'How about a nice saloon?'

'Mom, dad's toasting the new year with the car again!'

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

Big yellow sports utility vehicle.

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

"...and it comes with sat-nav, which as you can see the previous owner used all the time."

Acme Flyswatters.

"It's a sports car. It's supposed to be uncomfortable."

'But, honey, the girl in the bikini only adds to the awesomeness of my car.'

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

'Now can we start a family Nigel?'

"We argue a lot about money--her library fines, my antique car collection..."

'Built in obsolescence: Mini with a wind up gramophone.'

No Carrot Sign (like the old 'no radio' signs).

"Do you have anything smaller?"

Driverless tow truck.

"Got any new monster trucks?"

"It was basically $10,000 per cup holder."