Car Collection Pillows

"This baby can take you from zero to cardiac arrest in 60 seconds!"

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

'I know you're thinking can I afford this.'

"There it is...the car of my dreams! It's the perfect match! The seat...the steering wheel...they just call my name! I'm not leaving here without it!"

"I hear you bought a new classic car."

Man has a picture of a rolls on his garage door...the car inside is very different.

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"As you can hear, it has an engine that purrs ... '

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"Do you buy cars here?"

'It seats two comfortably.'

'God's speed.'

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

"This car is a retro classic. Instead of a USB outlet there's a cigarette lighter."

"Because you're a mechanic, we're going to do your hydrotherapy in a car pool."

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

'How about a nice saloon?'

"An object of love that you can get inside, totally inside."

'Mom, dad's toasting the new year with the car again!'

"You bought a 1964 Chevy ragtop Impala?!"

Big yellow sports utility vehicle.

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

Acme Flyswatters.

James May

"It's a sports car. It's supposed to be uncomfortable."

'But, honey, the girl in the bikini only adds to the awesomeness of my car.'

"...and it comes with sat-nav, which as you can see the previous owner used all the time."

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

'Now can we start a family Nigel?'

It says, "In lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to the automaker of your choice." Invite!

'Built in obsolescence: Mini with a wind up gramophone.'

"Do you have anything smaller?"

Driverless tow truck.