Management Meme Collector Pillows

'Gentlemen, you will be relieved to know that I have fired Alex Lu, our Director of Quality Control.'

"They're changing the top-down distribution to a bottom-up exchange of half-baked ideas."

He said if I was a self-starater, he wouldn't be a crank all the time.

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy

'You're fired, clean your desk.'

'I don't want a 'yes-man'. I want a two-legged affirmation.'

"I will of course yield to whomever agrees with me."

"Delegation is an important attribute of being a leader, but not if you're delegating the leadership!"

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

Go slow delegating authority. First learn how to delegate blame.

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Job complaints on road signs.

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

'This better be important.'

'Take down that stupid sign! It's giving me a headache!'

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

"What would a competent person do?"

"Do you want the Boss or someone who knows what they are talking about."

'This is so much easier than getting volunteers.'

"Our investigation has concluded that your boss isn't stalking you, Mr. Beamon. He's just micromanaging."

"When you're too old to work here I will send you to the dog food factory...as dog food."

Think Small.

'After all these years of purposely losing to the boss, I beat the pulp out of him and turned in my resignation.'

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

'There's been another management shake-up. The former global sales manager is now head of Europe, and the old head of engineering is now head of purchasing.'

'You're lazy,ruthless, arrogant and shifty - that's why I'm promoting you to Manager.'

"See these? Never touched a keyboard."

'I hate this constant atmosphere of always worrying about meeting a deadline.'