Mammoth Enthusiast Gifts

"Primitive? Compared to what?"

Early birthday parties.

A caveman with a bow and arrow shoots at a cranky mammoth but points at his friend who is holding a spear.

'He said he was going for a quick dip in the tar pits before dinner and that was the last time I saw him officer.'

I'd rather be gathering (cavemen fighting mammoth)

'Woolly mammoth'

"You can't serve both God and mammoth."

"Playing 'Pin on the mammoth'. . . a dumb idea."

'Hey George, check it out: Somebody's been painting us on this wall...'

"I wish sometimes that we'd never domesticated the damn things."

"See, Og If mammoth foot ticklish, could me do this"

The Swiss Army Mammoth

'Early traffic rudeness.'

Mammoth Tipping was the most Fatal of Primitive Teen Activities.

'Then gently rub in the lighter fluid, and the tar will come right out!'

"No I don't use steroids. Why do you ask?"

'Because I need his fur to make doilies!'

Great. They've discovered sweaters. The beginning of the end for the woolly mammoth.

I'd like it sliced thin for sandwiches.

"I think those are mine."

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster have some fun with the tourists...

Dead Funny

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

Unfinished painting of a monster in a lake sits beside the lake with no painter in sight

Frankenstein working at a hot dog stand.

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

The Loch Ness Rowing Team

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'