Mammoth Enthusiast Gifts

"Primitive? Compared to what?"

A caveman with a bow and arrow shoots at a cranky mammoth but points at his friend who is holding a spear.

I'd rather be gathering (cavemen fighting mammoth)

'Woolly mammoth'

'Hey George, check it out: Somebody's been painting us on this wall...'

"I wish sometimes that we'd never domesticated the damn things."

"See, Og If mammoth foot ticklish, could me do this"

The Swiss Army Mammoth

'Early traffic rudeness.'

Mammoth Tipping was the most Fatal of Primitive Teen Activities.

'Then gently rub in the lighter fluid, and the tar will come right out!'

"No I don't use steroids. Why do you ask?"

'Because I need his fur to make doilies!'

"I think those are mine."

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

Unfinished painting of a monster in a lake sits beside the lake with no painter in sight

Dead Funny

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

The Loch Ness Rowing Team

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

As the world emerges from the last ice age Ug & Og discuss a historic agreement to reduce CO2 emissions from woolly mammoth barbecues.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"I don't care what you thought you saw,l there are no such things as people"

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'Harvey, did you notice what a beautiful full moon we have tonight?'

"You think you're a monster because you have poor self image."

Unemployed recession: the irony is killing me

"He was orphaned at an early age and raised by two giant moths."

Horror Stories.