Mall Philosopher Gifts

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

A Crash-test Dummy child about to have a ride on a car crash test ride in a shopping centre mall.

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

'The hardest thing is convincing the wife that when I'm staring out of the window I'm actually composing a tweet.'

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

Grass: We lost some good men today!

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

UFO = Unidentified frying object.

'Turn we women loose in the malls - that'll stimulate the economy.'

'There's more than one kind of deficit.'

'What d'you mean, you're a Republican?'

Dept. de Philosophie

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

'I'm letting it lie fallow this year.'

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

'Your operation is delayed for a couple of hours... there's a big sale at the mall down the street and all the nurses are down there.'

Just think! If the mall goes bust, what happens to all that paved-over land? Save our mall. We could roll up the asphalt and start a huge nature preserve. What about current wildlife? Hmm�You're right. I don't think the endangered species act covers mall rats.

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.

'You're the first person to ask for a shopping hour in addition to a lunch hour.'

I blame society for putting me here. But mostly I blame metallurgy for keeping me here.

'Have you ever heard the parable of the lawn left unmowed?'

"My religion? I'm a consumerist, first reformed midwest synod. We pray facing the Mall of America."

'Everything must go...manners included!'

"I'm in a purchasing mood, but I don't know if I feel like goods or services."

New Mall

'I'm going to need backup on two. 'The situation' is escalating.'

What's this about? The recession is devastating chain stores. Save our mall. They're the lifeblood of teen culture as we know it. What are your solutions? We're having a massive shop-in this Saturday! Shop 'til you drop. Big $$. Like a day of service? Exactly! But you'll feel even better about yourself.

"If anyone comes asking for a small boy, I'll be in the toy department."

Poet and Peasant