Mall Philosopher Gifts

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

A Crash-test Dummy child about to have a ride on a car crash test ride in a shopping centre mall.

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

'The hardest thing is convincing the wife that when I'm staring out of the window I'm actually composing a tweet.'

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

'There's more than one kind of deficit.'

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

'Turn we women loose in the malls - that'll stimulate the economy.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

Grass: We lost some good men today!

UFO = Unidentified frying object.

'What d'you mean, you're a Republican?'

Dept. de Philosophie

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

'I'm letting it lie fallow this year.'

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

'Your operation is delayed for a couple of hours... there's a big sale at the mall down the street and all the nurses are down there.'

'You're the first person to ask for a shopping hour in addition to a lunch hour.'

'Have you ever heard the parable of the lawn left unmowed?'

"My religion? I'm a consumerist, first reformed midwest synod. We pray facing the Mall of America."

'Everything must go...manners included!'

"I'm in a purchasing mood, but I don't know if I feel like goods or services."

Poet and Peasant

'I'm going to need backup on two. 'The situation' is escalating.'

'And I got this scar when I got in a crush of plump women rushing to buy Leviathongs at the mall sale...'

"If anyone comes asking for a small boy, I'll be in the toy department."

New Mall