Making Up After An Argument Pillows

'Expensive wine, long-stem roses, imported candies...wasn't our argument about MY spending habits?'

She - Interpreter - He.

'I'm not playing 'Bride and Groom' unless you sign this pre-nuptial aggreement!'

'Truth? I am just looking out the window...'

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

"Have I been good or have you been bad?"

Procrastinator Hall of Fame

With his mothers persuasion, Joe decided to 'come clean' to the police!

Go ahead and leave, but you'll come back. You always come back.

The Exhaustive Bro Catch Up

"Better get two dozen. She won't be able to hit you as hard with both arms full."

Very sorry

"Your basic rule of thumb should be,the bigger the guilt, the longer the stem."

Your relationship can thrive again but you've got to work on it. You've got to experience your feelings and express them. Amanda Kern. Comics counseling. Sadie, when Mort says that President Obama symbolizes a new era of hope and cooperation, how does that make you feel? Nauseated, insulted, disgusted by Mort's Pollyannaish wimpyness. Good, now say it to Mort. Here? In front of you?

"He's faking it to get out of school. Bring in his teacher and run some tests."

'Next time you apologize, try to do it with no strings attached. String can be very distracting.'

"Nope - ya know what they say - an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure..."

"You came back!"

'Would you believe, humble pie?'

'We need to twerk.'

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

"I can destroy your bank of knowledge with one blast from my destructo-beam!"

"I guess this makes up for all those months you didn't speak to me."

'Why don't you give up breathing for lent?'

I need a not to expensive gift that doesn't hurt when thrown to my head.

'It's not my fault! My dad channel surfs constantly!'

'Something that says I'm sorry without admitting liability.'

"Want to bitch for one more lap?"

Fake it with Flowers.

"I'm looking for an arrangement that says, 'Sorry about the sofa.'"

"Sorry I can't make it tonight, I'm busy organising my widgets."

'I don't have any fish. . . Because I catch and release, yeah, that's it, catch and release!'

"Maybe you don't need to tell them grocery store flowers aren't going to get them out of the hole they've dug for themselves."

"My husband and I were divorced too young. It didn't last."