Macho Gardeners Gifts

Bob's new year's resolution was to give up his obnoxious, monstrous, macho streak...he vowed to ditch the leaf blower!

"Of course I know how to use a chainsaw!"

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

Important Muscles.

Department of Who's Your Daddy?

Soldiers' Ego

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

Alpha males through the ages!

"This is all my own hair."

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

"Wanna come over and watch the big game?....I was actually talking about the new 'Pac-Man vs. Superman' X-box game."

"If he'd done that to me, I'd have got up and given him a good thump!"

'I looked into their eyes before I shot them, with my high-powered rifle, from half a mile away.'

Hell's Allotment Holders.

"One last question, Berlinger. Is it just you, or is the whole damn Accounting Department shot full of steroids?"

"Football and hunting - what more could you ask for?"

Toxic Masculinity

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'

Before you brag to your buddies about how you ate the worm at the bottom of a bottle of tequila, I should tell you that you really are the larval from of the moth Hypopta Agavis, which is, of course, a far less macho thing to do. Nobody likes a bartender who went to college.

'That's a good start, Betsy, but could you make it more macho?'

'John's hiding. I expect His wife gave him quiche again for lunch.'

"Take no notice of George - it's just because he opened a jam jar earlier!"

"There's one telltale sign a man is interested in you....He weeps when you mercilessly mock him and all that he holds dear....It also weeds out the 'men' who are afraid to cry."

'I have to convince him it's not going to ruin his macho image if he bunts.'

Arm and leg wrestling.

'I want my money back -- I'm still a wuss.'

"I recommend the lobster today, sir, if you think you're man enough."

'Will you sorry excuse for Vikings shut up and go to sleep?!'

Tombstones have names of vegetables on them.

Macho Males: Putin and Obama

The Men Thing. . .

Soft answer that turneth away wrath bar and grill...formerly, Salty's

'Bad hairy-chest day.'

I have an awful headache. Do you have an aspirin? Not so fast, little buddy. A real man doesn't mask his symptoms with pharmaceuticals. Even if it feels like a jackhammer on his forehead, a real man grits his teeth and bears it. A real man rides it out the way he'd ride out a bucking bronco. Not everything in life is a test of my manhood. A real man would beg to differ.

'Oh yeah? Step outside and say that!'