Macho Humorist Gifts

'What? You wanna piece of me too, Bub?'

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

"Of course I know how to use a chainsaw!"

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

Important Muscles.

"Come on, we all know you're the new Alpha Male: No need to rub it in by wearing a badge..."

Geezer.

Department of Who's Your Daddy?

Soldiers' Ego

"This is all my own hair."

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

"Wanna come over and watch the big game?....I was actually talking about the new 'Pac-Man vs. Superman' X-box game."

"Football and hunting - what more could you ask for?"

"If he'd done that to me, I'd have got up and given him a good thump!"

'I looked into their eyes before I shot them, with my high-powered rifle, from half a mile away.'

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'

'That rig has made me feel more like a man than any woman ever did.'

'That's a good start, Betsy, but could you make it more macho?'

"There's one telltale sign a man is interested in you....He weeps when you mercilessly mock him and all that he holds dear....It also weeds out the 'men' who are afraid to cry."

'John's hiding. I expect His wife gave him quiche again for lunch.'

Arm and leg wrestling.

"I recommend the lobster today, sir, if you think you're man enough."

"Your old boyfriend came by. He wants to patch things up."

'My speed limit is bigger than yours.'

"If it's your chair, man up and get him out of it!"

Soft answer that turneth away wrath bar and grill...formerly, Salty's

The Men Thing. . .

'I like a man with a good, firm fist bump.'

Office worker leans back on chair. Woman says: 'Sorry, but that does not make you a risk-taker.'

'Bad hairy-chest day.'

'Oh yeah? Step outside and say that!'

'In my experience, two types of men order pink squirrels. First, there's the guy who's secure enough about his masculinity that he doesn't care what people think. And then there's the guy like you...'

'I told you it was a full bodied wine, but you just had to mess with it.'