Macho Humorist Gifts

'What? You wanna piece of me too, Bub?'

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

"Of course I know how to use a chainsaw!"

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

Important Muscles.

Department of Who's Your Daddy?

Geezer.

"Come on, we all know you're the new Alpha Male: No need to rub it in by wearing a badge..."

Soldiers' Ego

"This is all my own hair."

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

"Wanna come over and watch the big game?....I was actually talking about the new 'Pac-Man vs. Superman' X-box game."

'I looked into their eyes before I shot them, with my high-powered rifle, from half a mile away.'

"If he'd done that to me, I'd have got up and given him a good thump!"

"Football and hunting - what more could you ask for?"

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'

Viking Sissy Drink.

"There's one telltale sign a man is interested in you....He weeps when you mercilessly mock him and all that he holds dear....It also weeds out the 'men' who are afraid to cry."

'That's a good start, Betsy, but could you make it more macho?'

'John's hiding. I expect His wife gave him quiche again for lunch.'

'That rig has made me feel more like a man than any woman ever did.'

Arm and leg wrestling.

"I recommend the lobster today, sir, if you think you're man enough."

'My speed limit is bigger than yours.'

"If it's your chair, man up and get him out of it!"

"Your old boyfriend came by. He wants to patch things up."

The Men Thing. . .

I have an awful headache. Do you have an aspirin? Not so fast, little buddy. A real man doesn't mask his symptoms with pharmaceuticals. Even if it feels like a jackhammer on his forehead, a real man grits his teeth and bears it. A real man rides it out the way he'd ride out a bucking bronco. Not everything in life is a test of my manhood. A real man would beg to differ.

Soft answer that turneth away wrath bar and grill...formerly, Salty's

'I like a man with a good, firm fist bump.'

'Bad hairy-chest day.'

I have an awful headache. Do you have an aspirin? Not so fast, little buddy. A real man doesn't mask his symptoms with pharmaceuticals. Even if it feels like a jackhammer on his forehead, a real man grits his teeth and bears it. A real man rides it out the way he'd ride out a bucking bronco. Not everything in life is a test of my manhood. A real man would beg to differ.

Office worker leans back on chair. Woman says: 'Sorry, but that does not make you a risk-taker.'

'Oh yeah? Step outside and say that!'

'In my experience, two types of men order pink squirrels. First, there's the guy who's secure enough about his masculinity that he doesn't care what people think. And then there's the guy like you...'