Lyric Chuckler Gifts

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"The subwoofers really help."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Or was it: 'Bubble, bubble, TOIL and trouble?'"

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

'Bless you!'

"I keep getting into a flap."

'Time's up, chuckles.'

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

"Actually, I got my nickname because I live in a loft."

What your acoustic guitar says about you

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

"Some say the world will end in noodles, some say in rice."