Song Lyric Chuckler Gifts

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

The Big Four debate banking ethics

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"I bit someone once. It tasted like chicken."

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

'Bless you!'

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"He says masks are mandatory to enter. Should we try the other place instead?"

"I keep getting into a flap."

Yoga - moooooooo.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

"Actually, I got my nickname because I live in a loft."

"Sorry for the confusion, but it's Poetry Night, not Poultry Night."

Is it true that all cats are free thinkers? Yeah, we can't stand dogma.

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

What your acoustic guitar says about you

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'