Luck Ponderer Gifts

'Just my rotten luck - on the day I win the lottery, the world currency system collapsed.'

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

'The growing disparity of income is a tribute to our acumen.'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

The meaning of life is to avoid falling rocks

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"Death coach..."

Thinking and thinking backwards.

"I'll have dessert first."

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'I say we try it.'

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

"Life isn't fair, and that's what makes it fun."

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

Baxter finally gets a life

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

'It's a real conundrum. Not sure if I should open it, or beat it.'

"Is there a God?"

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

Wally dozes off in the middle of his mid-life crisis.

"I see you coming into money, at least 50p for a cup of tea."

"In a former life, I was exactly the same."

Answers to last week's brain-teasers

'The hippiest dryads were often farouche.'

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'