Loves Modern Art Gifts

"No sitting on the art, ma'am."

'It's a conversation piece.'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"Well....I could've done this!"

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Klimt Kiss Phones

'Projectile painting.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

"You're welcome."

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

Picasso: The Early Years

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

Jackson Pollock Studio

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Cats at private view

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

'Wait, this isn't Monet's garden, it's Mondrian's.'

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

Art Gallery.

The Cremaster Cycle

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

Pouring all emotion into his art, Pablo had none left for his face.