Friend Who Loves Modern Art Gifts

'Projectile painting.'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"Well....I could've done this!"

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"You're welcome."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Klimt Kiss Phones

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Picasso: The Early Years

Cats at private view

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

Jackson Pollock Studio

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

A sign that reads "ART...and plenty of it!" hangs above the entrance to a museum.

Art Gallery.

The Cremaster Cycle

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"Feel better, dear?"