Lover Of Modern Art Gifts

'I may not know art, but I know what I like!'

'Is this how you REALLY see me,Ivan?'

'It's a call from Tate Modern.'

'The artist is very upset at the way we hung his picture.'

Cleaner cleaning up the paintings in a gallery.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"Well....I could've done this!"

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"You're welcome."

'Projectile painting.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Klimt Kiss Phones

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Picasso: The Early Years

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Cats at private view

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

Jackson Pollock Studio

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

"Feel better, dear?"

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

The Cremaster Cycle

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'