Loves Historical Humor Gifts

"OK, Brutus, I'll pencil you in, for the Ides of March..."

"We're following Carrot Top."

"You're on a what?!"

When laundry ruled the waves.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Yes, all at once!'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

Early on-line shopping

"Bonk!"

"Nixon was the same way when he first got here."

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"They got me for pillaging. How about you?"

Young costermonger trying to sell to a gentleman.

PHARMACY, 'Tell Hippocrates to write his prescriptions in Greek -- I can't read Babylonian!'

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with prostate!'

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

The Algonquin Round Table

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

'Oh no. The building inspector. He's worse than the Pharaoh.'

"C'mon. Just one more round of funding and I'll build you a horde that'll knock your socks off."

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"Has anyone considered that maybe his dress was a disguise?"

The Enemy

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

"We brought him into oversee our millennium menu...he did such a good job on the last one"

'Hey, I made a hole in Juan.'

Carl Wilhelm Scheele: "There was a great display of ores and minerals...I could not write with a molybdenite pencil."