Lover Of Historical Humor Gifts

"Surely, as the world's only superpower, we're entitled to a little mischief now and then."

The Thief

"We're following Carrot Top."

"You're on a what?!"

When laundry ruled the waves.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Yes, all at once!'

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

Early on-line shopping

"Bonk!"

"I'd like you to see an Anthropologist.''

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"They got me for pillaging. How about you?"

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

Young costermonger trying to sell to a gentleman.

PHARMACY, 'Tell Hippocrates to write his prescriptions in Greek -- I can't read Babylonian!'

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with prostate!'

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

The Algonquin Round Table

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

'Oh no. The building inspector. He's worse than the Pharaoh.'

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

"C'mon. Just one more round of funding and I'll build you a horde that'll knock your socks off."

"Has anyone considered that maybe his dress was a disguise?"

Carl Wilhelm Scheele: "There was a great display of ores and minerals...I could not write with a molybdenite pencil."

The Enemy

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

'Too cheap to buy me real flowers, huh?'

"We brought him into oversee our millennium menu...he did such a good job on the last one"

'Hey, I made a hole in Juan.'

Ed Revere, Spam Courier