Loves Clever Humor Pillows

Cloning departments

Albert Einstein

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

'Sorry Henry, but I'm looking for something a little more permanent.'

'Mint?! These taste like cardboard!'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

Fetch the Boomerang

"He, Igor? Who are we to play God with its gender pronouns?"

This is awkward, but I need to ask if you'd like to donate your body to science.

Scientist discover a new superbug

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

Acupuncture.

Home Business - Wife.

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

'A wolf in sheep's clothing is one thing, but Grandma's clothing... Are you gay or something?!'

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

New Shoes.

"It's not as good a deal as it sounds - it's based on THEIR lifetime."

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

'You look lovely today.'

"We're heading south for the winter—any chance we can get the place again next spring?"

Lost & found dept.

"The book ends are for people who like to read between the lions."

I started writing crossword puzzles when I realized it was the only chance I'd ever have of finishing one.

"No offense..."

"It's not enough that we succeed. Cats must also fail."

Society for Asking Stupid Questions

"Phil!"

'The hamster ball is simple, effective and very economic.'

'What's on the evening menu that's good?'

'Thanks but we really can't accept...'

'The recession is now affecting Ralph's hairline.'

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal."